It has been a while...

Bryanna and the Men in her life.

It has been quite a while since I wrote anything. Hopefully now that my life has a bit more rythm I will be able to post more often.

We took Bryanna to college this weekend which is strange because she is only supposed to be two years old. She is happy to be in her little dorm room and to be making new friends. Bryan posted on his blog how strange the whole experience was--going to church where we went when she was born, seeing the people we knew when she was born...it was so surreal. He said on the way home that he feels like he has been experiencing his life as if he was on nitrous oxide--it is all swirled and strange and going way too fast. It is going too fast--our little baby started fifth grade this year. Next thing we know, she will be off to college.

I often think about our short time here on earth when I have experiences that remind me of my past. It seems that I should still be only twenty-one with my whole life before me but I am almost forty-two. FORTY-TWO!!! That is such a crazy old age! Bryan, of course, is only thirty-nine. He hasn't hit the horrible birthday that delineates old from young. My mom had me at his age and I always thought she was old, old, old when she had me. Now I am older than what I used to consider over the hill. I don't think I will ever be old though. I still love to slop through mud puddles, have water fights with my family, and punch Matt Koger for being rude. I also am still a sore loser. Maybe that just makes me immature? In any case, I am thankful that my life isn't just this life. I am so relieved that this life is just a grain of sand on the beaches of time--the real life begins when this one is over.

"Life flows from God, it flows from God..." (Charlie Hall)

Finally Writing

I finally have the desire and the time to write for a few minutes. I have been thinking a lot about prayer lately. We saw the second "Transformations" video the other night and I just really began thinking about how we talk to God. A personal communication with GOD--the creator of the universe. We act so casual about it--can we think about I AM listening to our whining and our petitions? We see that Abraham, through prayer, changed the mind of God. He basically nagged God until he got the answer that he wanted.

I am so wrapped up in my own little life and the things I think are important that I rarely remember to pray about the bigger picture. I loved the tenacity and the absolute determination of the heroes in the Bible. David, Jacob, Abraham (just to name a few)--they all demanded from God and they weren't struck down. They all respected the power of God and they all walked with Him intimately.

I didn't agree with some of the stuff that was said on the "Transformations" video but I cannot argue with the results. We visited one city in Guatemala that was in the first in the "Transformations" series (I think it was Almolonga?). There was definitely more wealth than the other parts of the country and the whole city was cleaner--there were actually dumpsters! We still saw a lot of individual poverty and some rich looking churches. Were those people poor because they refused to "accept the riches of God" or were they just too ingrained in their poverty to see anything else? It was distressing to see a man sleeping on the streets and the Mercedes trucks delivering the huge vegetables driving around him. Yes, I cannot dispute the results of the revivals but I often wonder how long they will last before the governments in those places make Christianity the only religion and persecute those who don't believe.

The one thing I really loved about the revivals in all of the videos was that each began with a person within that community. A woman or a man with a desire to see the people of the community have hope would begin to pray. Soon, others would join and within a short amount of time, the community was changed. Not from the outside in but real heart change. Abuse of all sorts, alcolholism, and even suicides became a non problem. They came together with a purpose and changed their communities. The real power of God transformed their lives.

So, that brings me to my thought--if they can pray and be dedicated to changing their community, why can't I? Is prayer a gift for some people but not for others? I know that there have been times when I have prayed and I felt something I can't explain. It felt like a shift, a moving of tectonic plates in the spirit, if you will. I knew that something was happening. There have been other times when I felt fervent and nothing happened. Bryan reminded us on Sunday of the story of Daniel waiting 21 days and then the angel told him that he had to fight for three weeks to get there. Bryan also reminded us that lack of faith and God's will pretty much have nothing to do with our prayers not being answered. God's will is that no man should perish...

I admire my friends like Kelly who pray and pray and have such incredible experiences with God in their prayer lives. To be honest, most of my prayers are whispered thoughts to God, not deep times of kneeling and crying. There are times when that does happen. My favorite times with God are when I am listening to TFK or the old "Jumping in the House of God" stuff--He just meets me and we jump together. (Now that I am 40, it gets a lot harder to jump so long!)

Thanks for listening.

An Unnamed Talk Radio Host

Today, as I was driving back from Albuquerque (I was gone four hours for a 1/2 hour orthodontist visit), I was listening to a talk show and I was so surprised at how differently I think than I did about five years ago. I was in such disagreement with the words of the host. I didn't really disagree with a whole lot of the content but with his acceptance of only those who agreed with him. I kept hearing callers say, "You're a great American, God bless you." If I called in and didn't agree with the host I am sure I wouldn't get a "God bless you"! Do we have to believe a certain way to be called a great American and to be blessed by God?
What makes a great American? Maybe it is someone who is going "against the flow" of what Christians normally think a great American is. Maybe it is the soldier in Iraq or, better yet, my Moslem doctor.

I think maybe it is someone who is really willing to give up personal rights and freedoms for the good of someone else. If that is a great American, than I think a lot of the people characterized nowdays as "great Americans" couldn't be termed that any longer. They are willing to fight for freedom (or having others fight for them) but are they willing to give up the right to tear down another person because of political disagreement?

It is so relieving to know that I don't have the answers and I don't have to give them.

A Note About my Links

First of all, I want all of you to read my brilliant husband's writing so I am including his blog on my list. I also want all of you to see my brilliant friend's art so I am including her blog on this list (Misty). I want you to see some of the things I think about so I am including my friend Helen's on my list--she is also brilliant but on things I never thought I would understand. I want you to see what I work on during the week so I am including a website that I am building with my dear friend, Kathy. I have also included the blog from Greg Boyd, a great thinker and theologian, (one of the only theologians I will read) and one more link to "off the map".



I used to be afraid of things that I didn't understand. I guess the favorite word now is cognitive dissonance. I didn't want to think about things that could create that in my mind. Now I think it is kind of fun to find things that create it--it almost gives me the feeling of driving down a hilly road really fast or of riding on a roller coaster. It is scary but exhilarating. (Hey, this thing has a spell checker--good thing cuz I can't spell exhilarating.)

Blogging

Wow--I love to write and I love to be on the internet. What a great way to journal. My intention in doing this blog is to:

1) Create some great dialog
2) Put up some great journaling
3) Talk to people
4) Make a place for me to share weird stuff. (like: I hate the word weird--I can never remember how to spell it.)
5) Share some great links to other blogs.

Okay, I think that is it for now. I want to see what this looks like.